Yeah, I have absolutely no confidence in myself to try these things. My sister has (jokingly) suggested that I'm slightly autistic. That has crossed my mind before, but I made the choice to be socially reticent as a young teen and adult, after experiencing so much bullying, hence social situations are still unbearable for me nowadays. This also made me doubt myself to the point that I have crippling anxiety and I don't "do" new things, but I still endeavour to learn them, but not to "show off" so to speak.
I'll give you an example, as I've said before, most people I know are fantastic musicians. I love seeing them play and seeing them delve into what they love the most. That energy, that enthusiasm, it's magnificent :) I love it! I love them! However, my brain start doing this little rigmarole where I enjoy the performance and become neurotic; it goes something like this:
"I'll never be that good, it'll take me years. The same amount of time that they've had, 10 years...but they are in their early 20s and have made albums, I'm 25 and only had 2 years so far, I'll be close to 40 if I follow that pattern and by then I'll be a sad, wannabe dad rocker. I can't solo like that, how is he playing rhythm and lead at the same time!? Those arpeggios, shit.... That voice, that powerful, raw, rocker, operatic, voice. That charisma and charm...SHITFUCKINGTITTYWANKINGARSHOLINGFUCKBUGGER I'M WASTING MY TIME!!!!!
*brain broke*
*blue-screen of death*
*keeps on clapping and enjoying the music whilst experiencing a psychological Chernobyl*
Yeah.... :P
You can imagine how paradoxical I feel when these fantastic musician friends of mine tell me I'm good :S
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